Involuntarily childless?

Having children, starting a family, is most people's "normal" idea of their future together. You naturally assume that you are fertile and will experience a "normal" pregnancy - which is why you may have used contraception for years and not given any thought to "getting pregnant" or "staying pregnant".

So it usually hits you unexpectedly when you find that the pregnancy you had hoped for does not happen right away or you have to experience an early pregnancy loss. The unfulfilled desire to have a child and/or having to say goodbye to the child far too early can then become a crisis for those affected. In connection with the - sometimes complex - medical treatment steps, there are often additional stresses that can manifest themselves in emotional and physical exhaustion, for example.

The failure to become pregnant or the loss of a child can cause ideas about one's own person as a woman and as a man to falter, and limits are placed on the individual's ability to shape his or her life. Particularly when medical diagnostics have not produced any clear findings, the thought often arises that psychological reasons could be responsible for the childlessness (or even the miscarriage). Such a view can add to the psychological stress.

In our experience, only in very rare cases can we speak of psychologically caused fertility problems or miscarriage.

The aim of counseling is therefore primarily to protect you from future lows and to help you come to terms with this life crisis, and not to go on a - usually fruitless - search for a psychological cause.

At the Institute for Medical Psychology in the University Hospital in Heidelberg, we offer psychological counseling and therapy to all those affected (both women and men) with an unfulfilled desire to have a child and/or child loss, regardless of whether and with whom you are receiving medical treatment.

This offer can help those affected to understand their worries and suffering from involuntary childlessness, to mourn a (possible) child loss, to find new ways of coping and to take the next steps in a strengthened way.

It is not easy for all those affected to talk about this often taboo subject. We have therefore compiled below some statements made by involuntarily childless people that are representative of issues that often arise.

"When asked, we say we don't want a child yet".

"We hardly dare go to family parties with our nieces and nephews"

"Even though we lost our child early, it is our child"

"We can't talk about anything else with each other anymore"

"This roller coaster of emotions in infertility treatment is killing me"

"Nothing is going on sexually outside of the fertile days"

"In this cycle it must finally work"

"I've been mourning the miscarriage for months. Is this actually normal?"

"I can't imagine having to live without my own child"

"I can hardly stand all the pregnant women anymore - the world is so unfair".

We would like to encourage you to contact us should you find yourself in any of the described aspects, have questions or simply want to inform yourself.

At the Institute of Medical Psychology of the University Hospital in Heidelberg, we offer all those affected the possibility of psychotherapeutic support. This offer is independent of whether and with whom they are undergoing medical treatment.

We can offer up to three consultation appointments of 50 minutes each. You can take advantage of these alone or as a couple. If further support is then necessary, a psychotherapy can be applied for. The costs are covered by the health insurance.

If necessary, you can also participate in a psychotherapeutic group. In this group, you can discuss the above-mentioned topics with other affected persons in a protected and professional setting.

Further links

• Outpatient Clinic for Infertility of the Clinic for Endocrinological Gynacology Heidelberg
• In the sense of an optimized holistic treatment offer, joint case conferences of the two departments involved take place on a regular basis.
• Literature list for printing
• Literature references and internet links
• Infertility Flyer (PDF)